DNA, Death and the Problem with Pain

    "Human life has always been lived on the edge of a precipice. Human culture has always had to exist under the shadow of something infinitely more important than itself" -C.S. Lewis

   I think it is important to see the present calamity in a true perspective. War and chaos create no new phenomenon. We are mistaken when we compare war with normal life. Life has never been normal as long as we are on this presence earth. Even those periods which we think most tranquil, like the 1960's and 70's upon closer examination turn out to be full of crises alarms and difficulties. Plausible reasons have never been lacking for these occurrences, how we could be so bigoted and hateful as to judge another on skin color and ethnic background, a "Holier that though" mentality permeates all the religious sentiment when it is based on nothing but stubborn opposition to loving everyone. The solution must be an internal one. As external causes seem to be the visible display of crooked internal realities. 

     Human mortality is something we all have to come to grips with. Eventually our organs fail, even with a healthy lifestyle and the best medicine, death is unavoidable. 100% of us die and that percentage cannot be increased. Our physical apparatus continues to deteriorate, human exertion or will does not add or diminish from this woeful reality. Pain, war and disease does something to us though. It forces us to remember it. According to C.S Lewis: present circumstances strongly dictate our focus on this reality. When death is eminent you are not thinking about things attached to this life as he remarks "Before I became a christian I do not think I fully realized that ones life after conversion, would inevitably consist in doing most of the same things one had been doing before, one hopes in a new spirit but still the same things. Before I went to the last war I certainly expected that my life in the trenches would, in some mysterious sense, be all war. In fact I found the nearer you got to the front line the less everyone thought and spoke of the allied cause and the progress of the campaign; neither conversation or enlistment in the army is really going to obliterate our human life.  The war will fail to absorb our whole attention because it is a finite object and therefore intrinsically unfitted to support the whole attention of a human soul. The infidels Idea of a religious life and the civilians idea of active service are fantastic. If you attempted in either case, to suspend your whole intellectual and aesthetic activity, you would only succeed in substituting a worse cultural choice for a better." 

   The point I am getting across is that we are in warfare right now. The cross and Jesus crucifixion was not a just a documented historical event of a prominent religious and rebellious rebel leader put down by Roman force, it is an ongoing spiritual reality that was made manifest in physical realm. It was a documented historical event that radically changed behavior traits and thought patterns of those most touched by it. A prime example lies in the transformation of a religious zealout, who due to his religious acumen was blinded in his passion for truth,  truth in Saul's mind was rooted only in temporal and physical realities. He failed to grasp the spiritual among the physical. He came to understand the work of the Lord as a living, breathing spiritual aura, guiding and changing hearts, replacing hopelessness with joy and saturating the faithful with peace, an ongoing renewal of endless passion that revitalizes and changes souls.

   Now for a closer examination on human development: the quantum of information in our human DNA strands, inside every single cell is roughly comparable to 12 sets of the encyclopedia Britannica - an astounding 384 volumes worth of detailed data. Yet their size is only 2 millionth of a millimeter thick, "a teaspoon of DNA has all the information to build the proteins for all the species of organisms that has ever lived on the earth". Now why does our physical appearance change so much between the ages of 40 and 70? Every year cells clone themselves into billions of copies to combat microscopic wear and tear from mental experiences of stress, anxiety and physical exertion on our bodies. Bone cells are still hard at work but osteoclasts destroy our bones faster than osteoblasts can rebuild it. This is all due to the cumulative process of defects within regeneration and erosion. So if we are using correct interpretation of science and logic intertwined; we are seeing the effects of a DNA strand which makes the software NASA uses to get a rocket to Mars look like primitive cave scribbles.....deteriorating, even language itself is getting weaker.... just like the very genetics in our bodies are declining..... the genetics which are coordinating every cell, every system, and every organ in your entire body. Why is it then that the very Oxygen you breathe becomes the very agent that accelerates your death? In layman's terms: anytime you have copies, upon copies of something..anything, for that matter the ensuing product is not as perfect as the original prototype. We are taught from childhood to notice that the perfect oak grows from the perfect acorn and to neglect that the acorn itself was dropped by the perfect oak. We love to notice the power of the "rocket" while failing to analyze the rocket itself springs not from some rudimentary engine but by the mastermind and genius of something more perfect and complicated than itself, namely formulaic thought, that lie far beyond the chemical impulses in the brain and reveal themselves rooted in deeper realities than the feeble understanding of human naturalism in depth and scope, thus emergent evolution reveals itself to be utter hallucination. 

     Our DNA makes us what we are and guides our development, but it also determines how long we live. Every time one of our cells copies itself it loses a tiny piece of the DNA. These divisions happen every second of our lives. After billions of cell divisions the end section is gone and our cells cannot divide any more. Over a lifetime our bodies make so many copies of cells that even the tiniest defects accumulate. It's like using a photocopier. Copies made from copies degrade in quality. We have totally re-placed the bone in our face every 10 years since we were born. Our 70 year old face is a seventh generation copy of our baby face. The imperfections are exaggerated with each copy. Another reason for aging is the very air that we breathe. We need oxygen to live but throughout our lives it slowly poisons us. Inside each of our cells our mitochondrea act like tiny power plants combing food with Oxygen to create energy; but  just like a power plant they also generate pollution, in this case the pollutant is oxygen. The mitochondrea change the molecules into unstable forms called free radicals, over a lifetime free radicals slowly suffocate the mitochondria and damage our cells; our cells and DNA become more and more damaged, repair systems fail, imperfections accumulate eventually our organs fail. Death like life, is a biological process. Scientists believe that near the moment of death our blood stream is flooded with endorphin's, the bodies natural pain killers, starved of oxygen, tissues cant function, within 10 seconds the brains electrical activity drops, hearing is the last sense to go, it can take 24 hours for our skin cells to stop dividing its final impulse.

    It seems to be built into our humanity to embrace this hope that after we die there is "something that goes on" Shakespeares "Hamlet" uttered the famous words "to be or not to be" as he's considering the alternatives of life and death and swinging between the two. He experiences conflicting feelings, whither to carry on in this world of pain and suffering or to end it and embrace the reality of "the unknown".  It seems life brings us more loss than success, more pain than gain and yet, in spite of all that: we fight tooth and nail to hang on 'despite the hardships' to life for just another 5 minutes. Whatever the pain that attends life, we desire to keep experiencing it. Because the other side is shrouded in mystique we've never experienced, we would rather bear the ills we have, than embrace the uncertainty of the unknown. He then says "Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all"  The dialogue of Plato includes the death scene of Socrates. The day he is appointed to drink the fatal hemlock. his students and friends are allowed to visit him one last time and they find him at perfect peace and rest, even of 'eager anticipation' being shocked at this they inquired and he says with all his knowledge gleaned from philosophical and scientific speculation it had yielded no other purpose than to further convince him this is indeed not his last day but the beginning of an eternal existence that is far better than what we experience here.

    "As the twisted body of  Christ hung on the cross it seemed to turn into a vast question mark against the sky line, and from his lips comes the cry 'My God, why?' It seems that all the anguish and pain of the ages is gathered up in that bitter cry. There is not a single problem that perplexes and wrings our heart that is not gathered up in that anguished question" E. Stanley Jones

The fall of Lucifer, our present estate and the rescue mission for all mankind.

     As you know, I have made a vow never to give you information that could potentially alter your destiny. Your path is yours to walk. That being said, Lucifer is the most dangerous adversary the Trinity ever faced. He is brilliant, ruthless, and he will not hesitate to kill every single one of you.....

    Did you defeat him?

    At great cost, yes

     How?

    My only sons life. After Lucifer deceived everything and everyone I held most dear, He boldly entered into My presence, seething "My loving king, if you judge me for my crimes, my insubordination how then do you allow mankind to get away with this gross act of highest treason?, they all like me have turned away and despised you" He was right. No general act of amnesty could pardon the guilty. Punishing an angel although pure in nature would not display the full depth of love. Angels are more ancient and majestic in creation than man, therefore in the order of creation man has been made a little lower than angels yet an angel could not be representative of the Godhead who by definition is "Love". The very position of one Lucifer avowed to have would have to take the sword, the one who had none no wrong, would have to be the propitiation for all wrongs. If I did not plunge the sword into My dearly beloved son then My nature of deep compassion could never be fully understood: A decree was sent out: The second person of the immortal trinity My own blessed son would become incarnate, lighting the form of a earthly vessel -finite, bound to created time and space-limited in sight and physical ability.  His manifestation of all consuming glory power and infinite might, that which was worshiped and adored by myriads of angels, would need be forsook and abandoned all in order to rescue humanity from its self-imposed desperate plight. This wonderful blending of deity and humanity would stoop down among the devil possessed, emptied of all powers in order to experience their deepest afflictions and physical agonies. Bound to its fate and curse, to its biological degradation, he would carry the sins of the whole world, be crushed, afflicted, despised and punished. Such an act would cause the greatest stir of compassion within His being but such a refusal in acceptance of this act also stir the greatest offense against that compassion bearer. At the moment before the incarnation--all of hells darkness was shoving back shouting "no, no we don't want that, we don't want him!" They did everything conceivable to resist it. Yet I dropped him anyway right into a world of blackness and despair. 

     Calvary was Lucifer's Waterloo, he was aghast a tender compassion could stoop so low, yet it was only then he realized he never could be all powerful because he lacked all semblance of humility. The one thing he overlooked was grace. Grace was not granted to him or his angles; it was a foreign concept to the son of perdition. We see his character traits on display today throughout the world today: greed, malice, envy, power. It all started so innocent, just a snake and a woman in a garden. A question? Why not? a manipulative pitch, a cunning lie, single indulgence, a bite: desire and curiosity overcame rationality; My spirit departed mankind, the genetic code was altered, poison now entered the bloodstream, perfection, now tainted, preceded this pandemic pratfall, perpetuating throughout the genetic line of all mankind. Millions of lives and souls thrown into bondage, thinking themselves free, masters of their own destiny, they are in fact following the wiles of Lucifer himself, bound to his curse, indeed one cannot serve two masters, there can be no neutrality in the matter of a relationship to God, if we are not for him we are against him. Evil is a mere absence of light and God is light. Through opposition to God, Lucifer brought a curse upon himself. I never cursed mankind yet by pride alone it renders a curse, Lucifer became the sworn enemy of humility, thus by mans pride alone it renders him a friend of the devil; the heartache, pain, misery cannot be measured by such an ill fated choice. Listen, My pity for Lucifer remains, ye he folded and went all in to a poker game on a cosmic playing field with eternal consequences at stake, gambled against all he knew and once loved, yes, even Lucifer once loved me with a  holy love, until power and greed corrupted, and all he once held dear was was lost along with his paradise. Being the creator of all the hosts of heaven, it was never my original intent to create a Devil, Lucifer was a unique and beautiful creation, who being lifted up by reason of his superlative beauty and brightness, renounced his allegiance to the most high and by a free act cut himself off from fellowship with the blessed trinity, thus changed his very nature--from lightbearer of divine glory to an adversary and thus a Devil. Indeed, nothing becomes less like God than the very one who aspires to be God. My, but of course Lucifer's  best trick is convincing men he does not exist. Yet many should realize If this lie held clout, there must be someone to carry on his devilish work which was never so evident as in the world today. Man does not know the breathless heights of perfection from which Lucifer fell, we only know that he carried such perfection with him into darkness. Like our own freedom his freedom was reverently respected by the action of the Godhead. Because the gates of heaven were thrown open to his efforts, it became possible for him to go to hell. Because he could win, he could also lose, In this supreme test the Devil did not only desire to win heaven but to ascend and be like the most high, thus he freely and deliberately turned his back on it, now haunting the halls of hell because he so chose.  

 "Satan; so call him now, his former name 

  Is heard no more in heaven; he of the first

  If not the first Archangel, great in power

  In favour and pre-eminence, yet fraught

  With envy against the Son of God, that day 

  Honored and by His great Father and proclaimed

  Messiah, king anointed, he could not bear

  Though pride that sight and thought himself impaired

  He resolved 

  With all his legions to dislodge and leave

  Unworshipped, unobeyed, the Throne Supreme

  Contempuous!" -Paradise Lost

    Being thrown down into the second heaven, he found his way into the garden, inhabited a serpent through cursed methods and wrongful usurpation.  Through his angelic nature and agelessness he was himself immune to pain, to injury, to sickness to death, even immune to the human discomfort of being crowded, like a phantom he has no body there are in him no parts to be dismembered, no possibilities of corruption or decay, immune to the limitations of flesh. He knows only the Most High could destroy him and alas I will not! not now, he is on borrowed existence, a fate awaits him! Indeed no one becomes less like the Trinity than the one who desires to be the Trinity, to be blessed and partakers is holy ambition, to exchange and propitiate position by means of power is an egregious act. One that caused the composition of the Trinity to be forever altered, what form the son of man took before He decided to become human will forever be made confidential until into the Trinity's presence they become fully known. These immortals whence became mortal when their eyes became averted from me, soul and spirit separated from body, nakedness was now a shame where once it was a glory, every pleasurable desire whence once was good, sex, wine, love now becoming restrained no longer, due to the insertion of the virus it could not abound in moderation. Who can know their wickedness now. It is like a damn pent up, if released, these super desires would be uncontrollable, if not for the restraining power of the Holy spirit now permeating the earth. The spiritual force which first came by water in the flood, then by water and spirit at My sons baptism now restrains by spirit. 

     Our humanity is the garment My son wears in heaven, while pining away on earth never once was the presence and power of Lucifer's hoards doubted. My beloved son, He was there, with me at Lucifers great rebellion,  when the heavenlies were shaken, familiar with his fall, being present in the dateless past. Some labeled him "the great exorcist" and his very presence terrified the devils hoards, at whose command they were compelled to leave their tortured victims.  They trembled before him, yet did not love him, they incited others still to deny him. They are the real workers behind the humans idols, which are by themselves a mere nothing. Ever since their deposition by that divine decree they have been anti-God in all their activities, even now that doubt lingers not as they work against me. having once dwelt in heavenly presence they have no doubt as to my sons being and sovereignty. Dreadful punishment awaits these angels transformed into evil malignant spirits and demons. At the moment of the choice, when they became what they are now, they were once prime and golden pieces of creation, not laden with gross matter, yet they lie under the ruins of their fall, angels tumbled down from heaven and Divine goodness could not vouch to catch them, yet now because of My sons work, when man tumbles and looks up divine goodness holds out a hand to lift him up, mankind by my grace is made for another world, the efficacious blood of my son avails for those of human blood which angels have not, he was not incarnated into their likeness the sacrifice was only made for sinners lost and ruined by the fall, he did not come to convert fallen angels, , but to destroy their empire.  

    The second member of the trinity is here interceding for their much maligned souls daily, with nail scarred hands and pierced side rending his battle scars of victory on full everlasting display. Through his grace and selfless sacrifice all who now believe in him take in essence are partakers of Our very divine nature. For stooping lower than angels at the moment of incarnation, it now allows those accepting of him to be brought to a glory even greater than the angels. His work in saving sinners, defeating the devil and abolishing sin gives rise to a new revenue of glory for the Trinity. Thus by praising the Trinity like celestial hosts who leaving their station before the throne of God at the moment of His birth and speeding downwards from star to star hovered over the stable in fixed adoration of their king of glory, who dwells in the everlasting light, now divinely abiding within helpless babe. The host was in anticipation of the triumphs he was about to win, men saved, death destroyed, the devil vanquished, creation redeemed gave vent to an overflowing effluent praise "Glory to God in the highest".

       "Human life has always been lived on the edge of a precipice. Human culture has always had to exist under the shadow of something infinitely more important than itself" -C.S. Lewis

The Real Problem With Religion Today..

     As humans we all play a unique part in our diverse world today, yet a fact that seems easily misunderstood is healthy teaching about our spiritual beings. We are all the ghosts in the machine, entrapped under thick layers of deceptive lies wherein our real identity is hidden. Yet underneath this highly sophisticated physical apparatus is a concealed intelligence which defies the comprehension of our minds. For those of you who disagree with me, contemplate eating a hamburger, after you finish you feel nourished and well supplied, but have you any idea how your stomach is currently breaking this down into your blood stream and providing vital strength to you muscles and sinews through the complex process of digestion? You can take classes on it, garner a bachelors in health economics, even a phD as a neurosurgeon and you still aren't even close to understanding the complexity of the chemical reactions and bodily processes within us.  Nothing in our universe is as simple as it appears. Perpetual motion is everywhere and many of us lack even a crude understanding how complex motion is. 

     Now here is a question that interests me? Why do surgeons remove ribs for bone marrow transplants and genetic research! Why ribs? Because they are the only bones in the human body that grows back every time they are carefully removed. This reality alone should make us question some deeper truths, like the fact God explains women were formed from a mans rib. Or that 99.99% of the matter around us is empty space, is the .01% of spinning particles not also part of the illusions as well? In layman's terms: "What is unseen is more real than what is seen". We first need to understand we are spiritual beings in order to ascertain a deeper meaning to the physical world around us. 

     When anyone talks about sin and addictions, and raises any questions about or suggests refinements of, disease orientated perspectives, people head for the exits. Some people leave because the very mention of sin is evidence that the speaker doesn't get it, they get angry that anyone add spiritual condemnation to the self-loathing an addict already experiences. In a cultural where self-esteem and high views of self-worth are considered psychological essentials talking about sin seems an attack on mental well being. It conjures up an image of dour puritans and preachers screaming damnation upon those who don't repent. However this is the very core of the problem; the refusal of Christians to see religion as the biggest scam in the history of the world. A personal relationship with Christ and recognition of our woeful inadequacy in every regard is what saves us. The moment we see people through spiritual eyes we begin to see the defects, the facade's, moral fronts, and concealed lies interwoven underneath. We've all heard of the prodigal son story, the younger son goes off squanders his fathers inheritance and indulges fully in the salacious lusts of his true desires. At first he had many friends, yet all were attached to the money and the prosperity: flowing booze, sexy girls, one night stands, best quality dope money can buy, luxury hotels, sleazy nightclubs, seedy underworlds, secret pastimes-giggles, flirts, feels, seductive leather outfits, lap dances and drug induced chatter with nameless ladies slithering around this way and that. Life can easily become a real freak show if you let it. Eyes had adjusted to constant spinning and spiraling of lights that all danced to beats; body and mind had adjusted to accept the effects of intense psychedelic drugs as the normal state of things. The spinning lights that danced to beats from a dozen different DJ booths, he finds all life is a trade, once his fortune was gone and his friends abandon him, he finds himself wrestling a pig for a corn cob coated in mud, and perhaps right then he wondered if we're all just whores in the end? But this realization alone is what brings him to a deeper realization of his depravity. As many people who read this story and then think "this is the condition of us all without God's love" will miss the bigger picture. It is my firm belief that this story speaks more to the sin of the elder brother than the younger one: self-righteous and judgmental yet by a worlds standards morally pure, his arrogance restricts his ability to see his own need for a saving figure and many Christians today fall into this trend of being the elder-brother.Rather than being genuinely interested in people for their friendship they become spiritual head-hunters. The harshest words Jesus spoke were to the religious pharisee's,  living a ethical code of moral purity to God is like "straining out the gnat and swallowing a camel". If like the older brother, you seek to control God through your works then your morality, then that is just a way to make God give you the things you really want, which are very rarely the things you really need or He really wants! A horizontal approach to things around around you destroys the vertical necessity. It is when you see the desire to be your own "savior" through your deeds--lying beneath layers of moral goodness that you are on very dangerous ground. Ground that Mormonism is founded on, this is not a laughing matter                       either, millions are deceived around the globe today by this moralistic lifestyle. 

According to CH Spurgeon: "Many of the enemies of the cross of Christ have been so trained in godliness that we find it hard to believe that they can indeed be so vile;  let no man, therefore, arise and shake himself, as though no sins could ever bind him, because he feels himself to be a very Samson through his connections and surroundings. Yes, it may be that you shall fall—fall foully, fall desperately, unless the grace of God be in you—fall so as never to come Christ, and find eternal life. It was so with angels. The best natural thing that creation can work is not sufficient to preserve the fickle creature from sin: regeneration must come in—the work of the Holy Ghost, a creature may be perfect, and yet sin will reach and destroy him. You and I are far from perfect. We are not angels unfallen: we are not angels at all; but we have evil hearts within us; therefore let us not imagine for a moment that the most select position can screen us from the worst of sin. Angels are beings of remarkable power. We know that they have amazing intelligence and beauty. We read of one whose face was like that of an angel of God. When a thing is spoken of as being exceedingly good, it is often connected with angels: "men did eat angels' food." It is supposed that everything with regard to them is of of refined quality. I suppose that a spirit not cumbered with flesh and blood, as we are, must be delivered from much that hampers and beclouds. Oftentimes a clear judgment is dimmed by a headache, or an attack of indigestion. Anything that affects the body drags down the mind; but these angelic beings are delivered from such weakness, and they are clothed with a glory of strength, and beauty, and power. Hear then and observe! However great Lucifer was, yet he degenerated into Satan: the Son of the Morning became Apollyon the Destroyer. However excellent the fallen angels may once have been, they have now become potent only for mischief; their wisdom has curdled into cunning, and their strength has soured into a vicious force; Let no man say: "no not I, I will never become this or that" you know not what you may become. There is also a great difference between position and person, Ah me! we need not marvel; for if angels fall, what man may think that he can stand? The grace of God can keep the least and weakest of us; but apart from that heavenly power how dare any man hope to be preserved to the end? Self-confidence is the beginning of declension.. We must never presume. Angels fell: why should not men? An angel occupies a high position near the throne of God: We have evidence in Scripture that they are called on grand occasions to discharge high commissions for the King of kings. And yet these household messengers of the palace of heaven, these domestics of glory, even these went astray, and fell, and turned to devils. Let no man dream that because he occupies an office in the church or does such and such a deed, his salvation is therefore secure: an apostle fell. The arrows of the prince of darkness can reach the highest seats of the synagogue. The high places of the field of service are not free from danger; nay, they are the more perilous as they are the more notable. The powers of darkness make their direst onset upon the foremost soldiers of the cross, hoping to overthrow the standard-bearers, and create confusion throughout the camp. Apart from the perpetual miracle of God's grace, nothing can keep us from declension, apostacy, and spiritual death. "Oh, but I spend my time," one may say—"I spend my time wholly in the service of God! I go from door to door seeking the lost souls of men, as a city missionary"; or "I conduct a large class in the school, and I have brought many to the Savior." All this is good; but if we trust in it for standing before God it will certainly fail thee. If any one of us were to say, "But I am a preacher, called to offer prayer, and to share the precious word: my engagements are so sanctified, they bring me into such hallowed fellowship with holy things, that it is not possible that I should fall,"—this would be the height of folly. We need not go beyond the pale of professed ministers of Christ to find specimens of every infamy of which man is capable. After having preached to others there is grave cause for trembling lest we be castaways ourselves. No, there is nothing in the most sacred office in the church to preserve us or our characters."

   When Jesus performed his miracles he used terms that baffled and confused the general masses following him. He would say things like "your sins are forgiven" which shows a deeper rooted problem than the physical. "In stark contrast to Western rationalism and naturalism other inhabitants of the world have a different view of reality. The reality of the spiritual world is part of their culture and worldview. Animistic and spiritistic cultures appease their gods with peace offerings and perform religious rituals to ward off evil spirits. In many third-world nations, religious practice or superstition has more practical relevance in daily life than science does. It is easy for those who are educated in the West to dismiss Eastern worldviews as inferior on the basis of our advanced technology and economic success. But why then do we have the highest crime rate of any industrial nation and greatest distribution of pornography worldwide?" -NA. Between two tiers (Transcendent world of God/gods and spiritual forces) - aka Eastern world view and (empirical world of the senses): a Western worldview. There is an excluded middle between the two. Yet we must include the "kingdom of darkness" in our worldview because in reality their is no excluded middle! When Paul referred to spiritual battles in the heavenlies, he was not referring to distant places or realms yet to the kingdom of darkness that is all around us and working in the sub-consious of believers and un-beleivers minds. He urges us to "hold every thought captive" now why would he say this other than our thoughts alone can lead us astray? Unlike third world countries which demonstrate overt ritualistic behaviors and occult practices which are demonic in origin, here in Western culture the term idols has a more esoteric nature.  It is not found in belief systems rooted in "rationality" because sin is not rational. It doesn't make sense! It doesnt look into the future. It doesnt consider consequences expecially if they are immediate. All it knows is I WANT-I WANT MORE!. This is how a father can leave his family for a stripper without giving thought to the psychological and emotional devastation it wreaks on his family. Reason is useless. We cannot simply say "stop doing drugs, get control of yourself" As a result of spiritual oppression, drug users may be very intelligent yet oblivious to the destruction and slavery associated with the use. 

  Here is the truth. Using the perspective of idolatry, addicts are "blinded" by their "own" desire. They refuse to see themselves as dependent creatures on God and instead find their "self" dependency on something else which further enslaves and blinds them to the end result. They perform addictive, repetitive rituals of "using" that give them perceived power, pleasure and identity, they see in their addiction a release from the physical and in a way the behavior itself as a form of magic. Yet any identity power or peace these behaviors bring are temporary, due to their primary motives being spiritual. The result is deception and further spiritual blindness. For the addict dope is God. It is the supreme being. the higher power, in the junkies life. He is subjugated to its will, in effect it short wires the brain, temporarily shuts down the frontal lobe controlling such qualities as inhibition and judgement, and gives one a release from those very behaviors which he himself sees as enslavement!. The point of deception is one doesn't know they're deceived! In the end the user cannot find joy in the simple things in life, like romance, sex and comfort outside of the drug which is now deceiving and controlling the body to believe the drug itself is good. This is similar to a numbing effect and is rooted ina desire to escape reality. It is not strictly limited to hard drugs, like heroine and shrooms. Marijuana in effect cauterizes the nerve endings, coating them and inhibiting there  ability to function. I am not condemning marijuana users, merely giving a perspective. Each shot of junk a user shoots in his veins is a "shot" of divine love, and makes one feel resplendent with altered emotions. For some smoking marijuana is of consequence, now I am not saying marijuna smokers are sinning, what I am saying is to test the motives of why anyone smokes? Is it a release from the stress of relationships and the world around? Without knowing it we may be deceived by realizing we are unwittingly "bowing" to another "god" or sub-conscious idol, not made of brass or wood. Although one may worship God they may also be worshipping other "gods" (opinions of others), and peers. Wanting surrounding spectators to think "I'm cool" and accepted may be reasons that are faulty. Being proud others know one is a "stoner" may be an "idol". Of course the goal was not to worship marijuana it was to use it for our own purposes and gradually begins to represent an idol of "worship". One will begin to think about it, plan how to get it, and even avoid friends in order to perform (occultic) rituals; in this environment - smoking marijuana, and before one knows it when a substance becomes a "need" rather than a "desire" to that he/she is enslaved. This is a new radical approach to religion but religion is not the truth. The truth is within our very hearts and motives! The idolatrous heart wants more because the physical desire is unsatisfied and the cravings become uncontrollable as proper reasoning begins to be dismissed. The heart always desires just one more! And the body is briefly satisfied. That's all for now have a good night everyone :)

  

THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE GLORY OF THE MOST HIGH GOD

   
     When we speak of the ways people worship the creature rather than the Creator they are looking at an object through which God’s glory was coming, and, instead of giving God the credit for it, they worshiped that animal or tree or man as if the beauty it possessed originated from within itself. This is the very heart of idolatry and is a very common occurrence. Everyone who has ever lived has committed this error at one time or another. We have all “exchanged” the glory of God in favor of the “glory of man. This is the mistake many people continue to make: trusting in earthly things, earthly relationships, their own powers or talents or beauty, or the goodness they see in others. But when these things fade and fail as they will inevitably do (being only temporary carriers of the greater glory) people despair. "What we all need to realize is that God’s glory is constant, and as we journey through life we will see it manifest here and there, in this person or that forest, or in a story of love or heroism, fiction or non-fiction, or our own personal lives. But it all goes back to God in the end. And the only way to God is through His Son, Jesus Christ. We will find the very source of all beauty in Him, in heaven, if we are in Christ. Nothing will be lost to us. All those things that faded in life we will find again in Him."-JP

       There are angels right now giving glory to God in the highest with veiled faces, the glory of God is supernaturally overwhelming to the degree that God granted them wings in order to obscure their faces from the radiant splendor of the most high. Now if the seraphim on high who have six wings, two of them for covering their faces from shining perfection, how much more are we to revere such a powerful Deity? When Isaiah who penned the most compelling prophesy regarding the coming of the savior found himself entering the presence of the most high, he was overwhelmed with his own inadequacy and shamefulness. Covered in sin from head to toe, it was like stumbling into the presence of a power altogether mind numbing in essence. But God encouraged the prophet by a symbolical action of the seraph. The live coals on the alter representing the atoning sacrifice of Christ was pressed on his lips assuring pardon for his unclean nature through the coming atonement of the messiah. Isaiah's unfitness for the office as well as his personal sin were removed. We're all getting a picture here for events detailing the coming of Jesus. According to ancient Jewish custom, the high priest was to enter the holy of holy's (the very presence of the most high God ) once a year; now he was to have a rope attached the ankle so as to drag him out in case he was struck dead by God. If the high priest did not observe the greatest degree of precautions. God would look on him with anger and strike him down immediately. God had to not look at the high priest himself but the perfect atonement of the blood of the lamb he was spilling in front of him so he could overlook the sin and picture the coming propitiation of his own dearly beloved son spilled for him.  Now many of us could wonder why? Doesn't this seem a bit harsh? But God does not take his own holiness or glory lightly, this is a big deal. "Yet even the archangel Micheal while disputing with the devil did not dare condemn him for slander but said 'the Lord rebuke you'. Yet people slander whatever they do not understand and the very things they do understand by instinct -as irrational animals- will destroy them" (Jude 1:9-10).

         Now Jesus took on the wrath of God fully for us; the depth of his suffering spiritually, physically and mentally is appalling, placing on himself the wrath of his beloved father in whom He had a fellowship and bond with to a closer degree than sexual union, which is in itself a picturesque representation on the closeness of the trinity. It is incomprehensible then as to the degree he had to suffer so that we may now go boldly before the throne and unlike the high priest fearful for his very life, in relief now of the sacrifice made for us. Now we can approach the throne covered in Jesus atoning  blood with him at this very moment interceding for us on our behalf. He is physically right now at the right hand of God wearing the garment of our humanity pleading before the father on our behalf "Don't hold him/her guilty for that, I paid for it!" What an amazing reassurance. The process of prayer is a 3 step process: we pray through the the spirit to the father through Jesus who is the inter-mediator fusing the aura of holy connection through his very blood-flow. 

      Now Moses desired to look upon the glory of God's face on the mountain, but God could not fully reveal himself to him. The reason is that He was a being so incomprehensibly powerful and majestic the mere sight of Him would kill Moses on the spot. Thus Moses merely saw the entrails of the aura left over after the passing of God, which was still glorious enough to set his face aglow baffling the idol worshipers as he came down. Witness to the idolatry before him he was emotionally torn asunder and crushed the tablet of the ten commandments. You see an encounter with God changes you. When you are witness to his glory even the tail end of his hind-trails it baffles a man with inescapable awe. "We were eyewitnesses of his majesty" The apostle John writes

     Jesus by being indwelt with the holy spirit and conceived through the holy spirit had no sin, thus Satans tactics toward him could not be from the inside (internalized thoughts, impulses) only on the outside, though he could place idea's in his apostles heads: (eg.) Peter, who proclaimed his Lord would never die suffer such a barbarous death as crucifixion "Get behind me Satan" was his rebuke. Judas also was diabolically manipulated during the Passover. Jesus said "Have I not chosen the 12 and yet one of you is the devil?" You see Satan kept trying to make attempts at God but he could only use the tools available to him by the fallibleness of our own sinful inclinations. We by our nature, being born into this world through the seed of Adam do have sin which the holy spirit inside us is continually convicting us and changing us therein from the inside.

      Now one day we will all come before his throne. We are either going to be repulsed or enthralled, if we are covered with God's goodness we will be enthralled with his glory, without the reborn nature of the spirit, we cannot be enthralled.  I'm telling you this. Please do not be unprepared accept "JESUS" He truly is the only way and his love is unfathomable deep and wide and far reaching. Throughout the old testament there are countless metaphors involving the sacrificing of one's "firstborn" and only son. He who sacrificed his only son and rendered him to death for us: How much more will God the father graciously grant us who ask with a right spirit not for worldly gain put for contentment right now and new spiritual eyes to see the truth. 

    Now in reference to a miracle of the synagogue demonic, I wanted to touch on another subject "there is a question regarding the presence of a demonic in the synagogue. How did he get there? Evidently, although possessed of an unclean spirit he was not excluded from the public worship of God. Possibly it was not well known he was demon-possessed until the resident demon became conscious he was in the presence of one stronger than the evil kingdom to which he belonged" -HL  and with this instinct consciousness cried out in revulsion over the presence he had just entered. Christ often encountered demoniacs in the outside world but that they should intrude into the very presence of God was extraordinary. The demon was considered "unclean". Now history repeats itself and all sorts of unclean doctrine has gone out into the world today lending for demonic intervention. "When, in buildings erected for the preaching of the inspired, infallible scriptures, preachers discredit the reliability of the bible, repudiate the miracles, flout the virgin birth, the atoning blood and even the physical resurrection of Christ, what are they with all their education and polish but demons in the synagogues" -HL Remember that all demons were seeds of the fallen angels who worshiped in the presence of Christ in the dateless past. They could not be silent on this, they knew who this was, while the thronging crowds gathered around him in wonder, the demons were repulsed by the splendor of his glory, "what have we with you Jesus of Nazareth" they would cry, for what fellowship has light with darkness? Between Christ and the devil there can be no affinity but rather the deepest moral antagonism.

      "The heavens are telling the glory of God" (Psalm 19:1) , What does that mean? It means he is shouting at us. He shouts with clouds. He shouts with blue expanse. He shouts with gold on the horizons. He shouts with galaxies and stars. He is shouting. I am glorious. Open your eyes. It is like this only better if you know me.

        He himself stooped lower than the angels, taking on our humanity as a bondservant with no rights so we might be lifted up and be glorified with him to even above the angels for his great glory and our greatest joy

    "Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world will be judged by you, are you unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more, things that pertain to this life?” (1 Cor 6:2-3)

ALL ABOUT GOD THROUGH JESUS

       "Jesus was the mind of God thinking out to man. The heart of God throbbing love out to mans heart, The face of God looking into mans face, The voice of God speaking into mans ears. The hand of God strong and tender, reaching down to take mans hand." -S.D. Gordon

        The eternal son of God before time began did not just join himself to some human being, but through an inception by the work of the holy spirit, he could be born without a sin nature, thus becoming the God-man, fully fused Godly nature visible in human form, with its fleshly limitations, thus He was the only human ever to walk this planet having the ability to take away sin. If he was born of Josephs seed He would have inherited a sin nature, but he was miraculously conceived by the holy spirit giving vindication to his duality of being God and man. It must be noted Jesus did not lay aside the 'essence' of God but merely the 'form'."Whoever met Him in the days of his flesh met God's son in human dress" -Herbert Lockyer. What form God the father, the holy spirit or even that of the son of God (before the incarnation) eternally possessed is one of the unanswered questions that only our entrance into their very presence will reveal. True faith recognizes Him as the only begotten son coming from God the Father.  C.S. Lewis has an enlightening interpretation on the word "We don't use the words begetting or begotten much in modern English, but everyone still knows what they mean. To beget is to become the father of: to create is to make. And the difference is this. When you beget, you beget something of the same kind as yourself. A man begets human babies, a beaver begets little beavers and a bird begets eggs which turn into little birds. But when you make, you make something of a different kind from yourself. A bird makes a nest, a beaver builds a dam, a man makes a wireless set—or he may make something more like himself than a wireless set: say, a statue. If he is a clever enough carver he may make a statue which is very like a man indeed. But, of course, it is not a real man; it only looks like one. It cannot breathe or think. It is not alive. Now that is the first thing to get clear. What God begets is God; just as what man begets is man. What God creates is not God, just as what man creates is not man." 

     God's will toward men was indeed goodwill and fully revealed when the son of the highest left the heavens and divesting himself of his garment of light, clothed himself in human form. He inspired the angels to render the skies with their song of praise. The marvel is-----our humanity is the very robe our redeemer still wears in heaven, with nail scarred hands and pierced side rending his battle scars of victory on full everlasting display. Through his grace and selfless sacrifice all who now believe in him take in essence part of his very nature and partakers of his divine nature. His work in saving sinners, defeating the devil and abolishing sin gives rise to a new revenue of glory for God. Thus by praising God be like those celestial hosts who leaving their station before the throne of God and speeding downwards from star to star hovered over the stable in fixed adoration of their king of glory, who dwells in everlasting light, now divinely abiding within helpless babe. The host was in anticipation of the triumphs he was about to win, men saved, death destroyed, the devil vanquished, creation redeemed gave vent to an overflowing effluent praise "Glory to God in the highest" on earth peace on earth, goodwill toward men. Notice here the angels sing "in the highest" as opposed to "in the heavens" The highest place is where God stooped down in order to save mans helpless race. Many of today's events can be described of as "ill-will towards men". Among the teeming millions few have any desire to re-echo the first line of the angels song. Lands like Russia and China heir teeming thousands of million of souls have all but put God out with their implantation of atheistic communism and its brutal mechanisms of mass destruction and violence, all in the pursuit of one goal, 'power'. "Throughout the rest of the world, particularly in so-called  'Christian' nations, there is a practical assumption, that if there is a God, He is far removed from our human life; that one may live without reference to him, for the needs of life, that actually He is not required. Such pagan secularism contends that 'Christianity' . with its pre-eminent basic concept of glorifying God in the highest, is one fore monks and nuns to adopt in their monastic life" -HL. The angels who sang the message from heaven of "goodwill" toward men" must sob as they look down on wreckage of godless human society which is primarily comprised of "ill-will towards men".

   Satan seethed at God himself "My loving king, if you judge me for my crimes, my insubordination how then do you allow mankind to get away with this gross act of highest treason?, they all like me have turned away and despised you" No general act of amnesty would pardon the guilty, but only in God punishing their acts on himself. The angels had sinned not, punishing a pure angel would not display the full depth of God's love as an angel was not a representation of God who by definition is "Love". The very position of one Satan avowed to have would have to take the sword, the one who had none no wrong, would have to be the propitiation for all wrongs. If God did not plunge the sword into his dearly beloved son then God's nature of deep compassion could never be fully understood. 

    Satans first tempation to Jesus came in the way of turning stones to bread "If thou art The christ, turn these rocks to bread" Yet Jesus never performed miracles for his own need but strictly for the needs of others, by trusting God's care and not the pangs of hunger from his humanity Satan was rebuffed. Lucifer had the whole world duped under the power of his deceptive guises, but yet He never cared about them, only that the power and praise they brought him was not enough, as with monetary gain, it's never enough, Satan only knew that the son of god was not worshiping him. That vehement antagonist of old knew Jesus incarnate was no old foe. The offer made by the tempter rested upon the apparent evidence of the worlds history. The rulers, the Herods, and its caesars seemed to have obtained their eminence by trampling the laws of God underfoot and accepting 'evil' in the Lord and current master of the world, this temptation was to the love of power, the same one Satan fell the hardest for. Under the guise of a transformed beautiful creature of light and displaying the power under his name, Satan was crushed when Jesus denied him his offer of it all if only He would worship him. You see the second temptation came with a pitch to fall down from the temple, trough this testing Jesus had to be persuaded 10,000 angels would inhibit him from harm. Thus outward displays would surely shock and marvel the Jewish people into worship of him. But these 'outward' acts  through supernatural means alluding to selfish gain were yet again weapons of the devil. 

   "The Incarnation then and all that was accomplished by it became the foundation for the church Jesus said he would build and build in such a way that the gates of hell or powers of darkness would never be able to prevail against it. We distinguish between the visible organization and the invisible organism. One can be a member of a church--a building or a group known as such--yet not be a member of the unseen church which is his body. The gates of hell have certainly prevailed against the church as a visible and in many cases a human developed organization, hence so many branches of the church, contrary in belief and practice. Even today 'churchianity' is by 'schisms' rent asunder. But against 'THE church' He would build, no subtle Satanic force could prevail." -Herbert Lockyer

   It is important to notice that when Jesus said he would build his church on peter himself but the words he confessed, Jesus asked his opinion on what the apostle thought of his life and claims after much diversity of opinion regarding his identity, some say he was Elijah come back to life, still others that he was the devil of hell himself, regardless of the mass of swirling controversy and opinions his mighty works of power and supernatural acts were undeniable. Jesus said he would build His church on the grounds of faith into a living breathing organism that is moving to this day through souls confessing by faith the word of God is true and pure so that he might bring a church into being. the church is nearly finished. Peters initials can be found near the bottom of the masses of compiled souls attached to the Rock that is Jesus. Based on the current world events the roof is nearly put on and soon it will be completed, the souls that are leading others astray, those wolfs in sheep's clothing will be pried off the spiritual edifice and removed. When the roof is finished Jesus will return presenting himself as to his glorious bride."There is presently a groundswell across America--as in many other parts of the world--in which people are meeting in small groups, in homes during the week rediscovering the bible and enjoying a more intimate fellowship than they find in Sunday church. This is especially true of many young people to whom 'Sunday Church' is a spectacular sport and who seek more personal participation and accountability. After all this is where it all began: 12 guys along the seashore with their Teacher. All the remarkable episodes of the early church in the book of Acts occurred in homes. It wasn't until the fourth century that edifices began to be erected." -Thomas Horn

    In summary religion cannot save you, as God came to abolish it's ordinance and broke down the wall of hostility based on our inability or desire to follow it by the stripes of punishment directed at his own son. The great news is the gift is now a free one if only for those who will be so willing to accept it. As  Paul once realized it was painful to 'kick the goads' to fight against God's compelling power was a profit venture indeed and the once zealous Paul was changed; after gazing upon Stephens peaceful face must have had a profound affect upon him, for the grace and humility one could accept death in the face of such ardent hatred. "the lighting of Damascus struck no empty void but found plenty of inflammable material in Paul's soul. Thus with reasonable certainty it must be affirmed that the tremendous radical transformation he experienced and which came to be described as God pleased to reveal his Son to him was not without considerable preparation on the part of heaven" -HL

       '"The whisperings of that pleading voice he had heard in the past now rolls through the hollow chamber of his inmost being and demands a reason for his persistent animosity"

Jeus in the tempest

    The first step is always realizing you have a problem, spiritually, emotionally, physically or physiologically. Once you're aware of your weakness you can make it the focal point in order to improve your condition and eventually find a possible solution. The reason Jesus was able to help the sick, maimed and the poor was due directly to the fact they were all aware they had a problem! And that was the first step in the process. They that are sick will pursue a physician. Knowledge, money and power puffs up, enabling us to grow immune to the real problem, which is buried under many layers of lies, self-entitlement and transparent refusal. The spiritual is always at the root. We like to blame God for the problems in the world, for allowing the sickness, pain and heartache to exist without realizing the primary cause of all of these hostile rebel forces, that they are all controlled by a very powerful source who has origins rooted in selfishness and greed. The very nature of sin is to blame God without looking inward and seeing your own actions which in our our own lives and throughout history produce a self perpetuating series of negative and harmful results.

   To 'rebuke' was Jesus favorite formula for curing all ails. When the Lord spoke to the angry elements that night in a raging sea He used the same words He used to heal chronic illness and  exorcise demonic forces it was "be muzzled" or in other words to "be still" or gagged as translated in the Greek. It would thus appear he spoke not to a mere force of nature but to a figure in and behind the force. As though to a maniac to be gagged. I would be willing to bet there was a sinister personality engineering that storm, alluding to Satan the author of all disorders alike in the physical and spiritual realms. More studies on the waters of the earth holding deposed evil spirits when Satan rebelled could be found, but that leads to a whole new rabbit trail of speculation. If we accept this interpretation then it is not difficult to associate the raging tempest with the Devil, whose avowed hatred for Jesus was behind his every attempt to kill him. Basically the point I am getting at is Satan and forces of darkness as well as our own sin nature are the primary reasons for all ailments in the world, we want to be our own "gods" and by that very effect we are reaping the results of that decision. Some believe the devils biggest lie was convincing the world he didn't exist but I say the devils biggest lie was making us believe are free while forcing us to put the shackles of enslavement on. Jesus spoke more on hell than heaven. Jesus merely said "abide in me" I am the vine. He left no doubt, speaking entirely in absolutes. It wasn't a matter of opinion or injustice on God's part or ours, It was as simple as stating the laws of physics, an objective reality. If only we could have the spiritual insight to see it.  Like planting a 'kapok' tree in the sahara and expecting it to flourish, would be a crude yet understandable model of us not attached to the vine in whose roots provide everlasting and refreshing nourishment for us. The result of planting that tree in the dessert is it will die, and not only will it die it will not even begin to germinate. God is not unjust, human nature  as a whole refuses to be rooted to the source of all knowledge and joy and instead embrace the curse and its subsequent pangs and heartache.

   In reference to the Miracle of the stilling of the tempest I would like to make another comparison. After preaching to the crowd all day Jesus was exhausted, his disciples made hast to get him away for a season. "Never did a ship carry a more precious burden than that one. What a wonderful mingling of deity and humanity we have in this exhibition of supernatural power! Because of the limitations of his humanity he who now neither slumbers nor sleeps had need of rest". Due to his need his disciples never disturbed him. yet for the fishermen the danger was very real and they were afraid for themselves and their divine passenger. However he could sleep easily due to his perfect trust in his Fathers care. Yet we have his awakening with the cry of his distraught disciple "Master save us! We persish" His only instrument of power was his word however. "Is this miracle not related to the disorder, disharmony and confusion of nature in which Christ alone is the queller?" After silencing the chaos and mugging the discord of their naturalistic afflictions he turns and chastises the followers for their lack of faith, yet they were not entirely without faith they knew of  his supernatural powers, yet they failed to believe that sleeping or waking made no difference to him, they should have known no storm tossed ship could possibly sink with him on board. The Titanic was deemed unsinkable by many before it set sail and met it's tragic fate through an iceberg, here nature did destroy a vessel much larger than the one Jesus was occupying, however "pride cometh before a fall" and human arrogance as been germ behind all the tragedy and ailments of our current lives now, regenerating time and again now and throughout history. The raging sea is ever an illustration of the restlessness of sin within our own hearts, never satisfied unless quenched by the voice of he who made all things. The word itself when read speaks order into our chaos, spiritual substance into the madness, and never ending disorder of our lives. The wind is the blast of persecution. The blast of wind only allows the roots to burrow deeper. The tempest driven boat is the church of christ as it sails across the ocean of the worlds history to the "other side" of life beyond the grave. As Noah and his family the kernel of the whole of humanity once contained in the ark tossed on the waters of the deluge, so the kernel of the new humanity, the new creation,  christ and his apostles in this little ship, the waves of the world rage against it, yet never prevail in it, because christ is in it..

   Is Jesus in your boat? Without it you may well be in the Titanic right now, crossing the Atlantic full of pompous self assertion, surrounded by wealth and materialistic possessions, yet how many of those wealthy people could be saved by their wealth when the ship began to sink beneath the watery depths? There is one name alone who can bring order to the chaos and through that name alone He speaks order to our tempestuous waves of physical, mental and emotional instability.

A Tale of two Millionaires: How I found Salvation on the Palouse

    Pullman and the Palouse was where the hardiness of my soul was tested, the real truth is the kyle that was the old me, the kyle that was self entitled and godless was staked somewhere between a mile marker and a snowbank. Like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and continuing to pound til it's tough to dislodge was my stubborn ego attempting to find the 'super fit' in a scene that wasn't for me. I never felt the connection around those I met at parties like the one I felt around people of faith. God had to take me through alot in order to arrive at that point. Over a period of several months every physical item of sentimental value had departed from me. Every little thing I turned to instead of God was plucked or snatched as if God himself was literally slapping my hand each time it reached too far inside the cookie jar. I never got my cookies and it's probably a good thing I did not. I started feeling sorry for myself, my attitude had become calloused and bitter, my roommates seemed to grow distant from me, I turned to alcohol and hookah every night after a long day to cope with my financial situation. I started avoiding the bars altogether. I was like a sojourner in a barren land, waking up every day and biking to work with khakis rolled up past the knee, white long underwear underneath and black socks extending halfway up. I threw on my starbucks sweatshirt, blue beanie, grabbed my iphone and with the bumpin beats permeating my system, hit the steep hill next to my house, flew down at breakneck speed with the view of campus before me, sometimes in a driving rain or snowstorm and pedaled the 7 miles to moscow  to work. In hindsight I feel like a fool, doing what I did. I had lost my license, lost my car and a good deal of many other things. Yet, I think the motivation driving me forward was that I was going to overcome all of this adversity on my own strength, like the "Rocky theme" of training in snow to kick the big, brutal Russians ass. This was me being a 'badass', yet that right there was my fatal flaw, I had too much pride to come back home, my battered ego had suffered enough. I had failed before multiple times here. I was going to 'fight back' whatever means available to me and right at this moment I still had a bike and a job, I could pay for my re-instatement fee soon and attend classes on campus in the fall, pay off my court fee's for negligent driving, save for a car, I just had to endure the harsh winter and spring. My heart was so focused on doing it 'my way' though. I wanted to come back and tell everyone the great story of my accomplishments, biking over a sheet of ice, rainstorms, harsh terrain, sometimes even into intense wind and thunderstorms yet always making it through. Humility was not something that was on my mind, or a virtue I was well acquainted with for that matter. I never once thought it was God bringing against me this strong adversity, I looked to shakespearean motivational theme's to get me through like "the seeds of adversity carry with them the greater of equivalent of something better" and my old Grandpa's saying "keep on keepin on, the best is yet to be".

    I knew God was real I had felt his presence before, yet I avoided it strongly. Once when I finally had a day off this girl I met at WSU invited me to a campfire at 'the cliffs' or so they were called. I called up my buddy nate wendt  and we picked up my other old friend chris sterling, who I knew from the year before, chris we found off greek row on the way, he was drunk and appeared lost. He rolled out with us and I casually tossed him a 6 pack. "Where are we going again? Nate reiterated. "The cliffs, wherever the hell that is" I said taking another big pull of my 40. Apparently it was 30 miles outside pullman, we both had the darnest time finding it, when we eventually did, I got out feeling a good buzz going on. I stumbled out and stretched "well, we're here boys..wheres the alcohol?" "You don't need any more alcohol" Nate said as we started climbing the rocks, beginning our steep ascent up the cliffs in the general direction of a flickering fire. when we finally arrived, we found a group of people singing around a fire. "What the hell is this" I said "Where's the keg of beer, skinny dippers and music?" Apparently we had stumbled upon a church group, someone came up expressing dissatisfaction in our inebriated estate. "Why are you drunk?" he said looking at me, surprised at the direct question I replied "Why arent you drunk? Are you guys all sober, singing koom by yah hymns here or whats the occasion?" Long story short it was not a good impression, the girl I met was not impressed, we hung out later and things turned around after a fire and night of star watching, yet soon after things went south. I tried to make amends even going as far as buying a bouquet of flowers with a 5 dollar starbucks gift card attatched with a note left at her door. For some reason even that wasn't enough it was like every 'potential' relationship with a member of the opposite sex blew up in my face with a resounding 'kaboom', and many times it was unfortunate circumstances not entirely my fault, either way I was feeling similar to comedian Dane Cook in  "Good Luck Chuck". Every girl he encountered ended up leaving soon after because of a hex placed on him in middle school. On one particular occasion he agree's to hook up with a continent of a woman just to rid himself of the curse, she was a warmth in the winter and shade in the summer, had bad acne and was generally all-around unpleasant  "you can sink this soldier all you want" his best friend tells him "if this was the last woman on the face of the planet humanity would come to a screeching halt" I wasn't quite to this level of desperation but the thought it didn't work for him either, after hooking up with a 'planet' with Jupiter's big spot blemishes didn't give me any warm feelings. At the end of the movie he changes his selfish ways and finds the culprit, his voodoo doll, and the woman who placed the hex on him removes the needle. This of course was all after a typical romantic hollywood chick flick ending with him paying thousands of dollars to stop a flight to australia with her on board, professes his undying love to her, wins her heart, swoops her off her very feet and him and Jessica Alba are happy ever after. This was not my fairy tale ending mind you, I wish I had the redeeming element of a fairy tale ending with Jessica Alba in it. Nevertheless, that's pretty much the movie summarized in a nutshell. Long story short, things never worked out for me on the relationship field and my friends could attest to it.

  Around February I picked up a second job at Fireside bar and grille in Pullman, which I worked on the weekends. The lady I questioned about an opening, well she hired me on the spot. Their bartender had just been fired and they were badly in need of servers. I was only to happy to fill the void. It started out great I was making over a hundred dollars a night in tips on some occassions and biking to Moscow to work my other job at the starbucks on Monday-Thursdays. I mean sometimes it was hard it got cold at night on the palouse in february and march and many times I worried about a BUI (biking under the influence) heading back to the house I lived in. The view was killer though, which is one of the reasons I stayed for so long. I only paid 325 in rent, there was a hot tub and firepit, a great view of campus, when I first found the place my eyes were like saucers, I visualized a snippet of heaven. "Summer College parties, flowing booze, girls in bikini's in and out of the hot tub a fire pit as well all with an amazing view of campus below to boot. There was cheap rent, a scenic trail to bike, this is great success I thought. None of these idea's I had in my head worked out and the voodoo curse/hex placed on me involving girls I strongly believe was a real thing. Now you kind of get a mental picture of where I'm at, besides getting scammed for everything I owned which I talked about in an earlier blog, that was quite possibly the most embarrassing thing I have ever been associated with and just thinking about it makes me wince. But God had his reasons and it humbled me. 


      Things continued to get worse:

   It was in May that I learned a family was moving in and we all had to be out of the house, soon after all my roommates in the upper two floors had departed and I was the lone tenant downstairs, I was left with many items I had no desire to keep, for one a snake kit, I'm not sure if a prior roommate had a python for a pet or what the deal was, but soon I started heaving things that would burn to the firepit. The rest consisting of random debris and kitchen utensils I placed in giant bags. The garbage had been cut off and I started walking down the street with the full trash cans and was promptly wrote a ticket for placing them in a dumpster that wasn't mine. Are you kidding me? I thought. My blankets and sleeping bag was sprayed on by a cat, these I kept in the closet because I could not for the life of me get the smell out I took them all outside and hosed them down with vinigar and water, and left them to dry, returned to work and someone had stolen them all. "Whatever" I mused, at least I have my mattress and some furniture. On a day off I went to Re-max and explained my situation, I was in shad shape couldn't afford to move out, had no license and was left with a good deal of stuff I did not want. He just replied "Well, we need you out, find a way to deal with your situation, and we noticed you have a broken screen door panel,we investigated as to the cause of this and found evidence, you're roommates said your head went through it one time and we want you to replace that the cost is $700" I gasped, surely they would find out, my head did indeed go through one of the panels as I was talking to my roommate and looking over my shoulder I walked into the door, he had just left prior and did not leave it open, so imagine my surprise, the other roommates heard the crash and came down to investigate. I scraped all the glass out and was left with a single panel it was virtually unnoticeable that a panel was missing until a roommate was contacted by RE-MAX about it. This is just events that no longer surprised me, things were getting so bad for me. Well I couldn't pay it. And I had 2 days to be out. I texted my friend Guy that I was up shit creek without an oar and needed help. He texted back: "E-mail Matt, he saved my life and he can help you, he's my best friend, I love the guy, be at bucer's cafe at 6 am tomorrow though for bible study"...bible study? I mused, huh, maybe that's what I need a bible study anyway. I got up the next morning and overslept past 6 I was feeling tired and moody, I didnt have work that day so I got on my bike and started toward Moscow to meet this "Matt Becker" guy. The sun was beginning to rise over the hills of the Palouse, the air was cool, crisp and refreshing, it was a beautiful morning, my cares seemed to be gone in the light of this splendor I was seeing in front of me. I knew I was late and it would take me 30 minutes to reach Moscow on bike so I said a quick prayer, "God if I'm met to meet Matt, please allow him to be there, allow some reason to delay him so I can talk" I arrived at Bucers late and asked the barista there making coffee if she knew a "Matt Becker", "Yes of course" she replied "He's right outside now" He was a middle aged man with red hair and a beard, I went up and inquired if his name was Matt Becker. Sure enough it was him, he told me that he usually he wasn't here this late but for some reason this morning he got caught up in conversation with telling this man sitting across from him about Jesus and was delayed. "Huh, I thought" God must have heard me. 

    Matt told me we could meet the next morning though as he had things to do, I then went to starbucks bought an iced Americano and reading a book on world religions. Someone soon came up to me and said he noticed my book and inquired as to what I was reading.  I explained that I was reading about Islam and how they pray to every God even Jesus himself when they pray. He then explained he's been going to this bible study at Bucer's led my a Matt Becker, I said "that's crazy,I just talked to him 15 minutes ago" He then elaborated on the type of people that come to this bible study, many of them either had drug issues, recovering alcoholics or convicts with felonies, and Matt put them all to work and gave them jobs. Matt pretty much owned half the town and was one of the most self effacing people I'd ever heard of. I showed up the next morning to bible study waking up at my room in Pullman at 5 am and hitting the Palouse trail. After the bible study I looked out and Matt was directing these people to jobs and giving them paychecks and selflessly serving them in a way I've never seen before, it stunned me,  Guy who I texted soon after showed up at Bucer's, now how I met Guy Russel was an interesting story of its own of which I can briefly elaborate on.

   I was still biking 15 miles a day to work in march and getting scammed out of my mind around march when I met this intriguing figure. He was an enigmatic character who could make you laugh, smile or shake your head just by being around him. He was a prior millionaire who now found himself serving tables in a small eastern WA college town after losing millions of dollars, it humbled him to an extent he'll tell you the same thing, life is for learning, he's had 2 DUI's and messed things up on a galactic scale, lost friends and family had to bike to work in freezing Utah winters, he knew what it was like to have it all then lose it all. I love the guy and glad I met him. But I've learned from this and his 9/11 cataclysmic experiences. His friend Matt Becker was a born again christian who saved his life. Things got so bad for him at one point he was suicidal, living in a car he could not afford payments for, multiple people told him "You have to meet Matt", so instead he went out to meet this guy "Matt Becker" who I emailed recently about work, he had this motto under his return email "we exist to bring the awesome life if Christ to a lost and broken world" this is the same guy that just gave him a car for free so he could drive that once lived that same high-roller life as him acting like a prick. He'd find me on the trail from time to time and pull in, throw my bike in and give me a ride to work which was always nice.. Circumstances change you and affect you these people and stories are lessons that show me no matter how far you climb you can be brought down even further than you realized.  I'm now contemplating a new way to go about life. It takes waking up and smelling the coffee to realize what your decisions in life have cost you and others. There's a reason I've been cruelly manipulated, I've done the same to others, close friends and family even, I wasn't a prick, I cared about people I just didn't give any heed to the consequences of my actions or how to help others. I lost thousands but Guy Russel has a far more intriguing story, he's lost millions, once lived a carefree lifestyle, full of drugs, booze, cheap tricks, sloots and lots of risks. I mean he'd tell you stories of barrel rolling a plane across the pacific in the cockpit of a plane of 20 people after doing cocaine lines, then landing that same plane forgetting to put the landing gear down and setting the entire runway on fire with screaming people on bored and getting away with it all, also being apprehended and after passing out behind the wheel of a truck with his kid in the car and a news crew to arrest him upon waking up, this same person married into a wealthy family, there were so many noteworthy people at the wedding he didn't even invite his own mother to his wedding because there were so many famous people there, he obliterated bridges of almost everyone that cared for him all in the pursuit of money. The warning signs were there but just like me he didn't take heed. Now he drives a creaky dilapidated blazer that Matt gave him and was in a car 6 months ago ready to blow his brains out if Matt hadn't saved his life. Look where this pursuit of the pot has gotten us I explained, were both train wrecks in a small college town apartment separated from friends and family with nothing. The door kicked in, we could be taken for everything we own which is nothing. Everything we had has been reduced to 0. Then there is Matt Becker who owns half the town and has bible studies every morning at Bucers bringing in kids with criminal records and severe problems and giving them jobs, his self less behavior changes lives but he also owns half the city. He makes 3500 a month and gives it all away to these kids but it always comes back. Some things I've learned are successful people make quick moves, own their mistakes and if you want to be happy and successful also care about people around them. I wanna be like Matt.

   With that background of these two men's lives, one who was once a selfish prick, owner of a big time company in Denver, encountered adversity and heartbreak after his wife cheated on him, and came back to his hometown of Moscow, as a broken and bitter man, he was sitting in a chair at Bucer's cafe one day when in walked this 90 evangelist named Jim Wilson who handed him a pamphlet, Jim's 2 sons were both well know Pastors, his oldest Doug is well noted for his preaching and has written several books. Matt was dyslexic and couldn't read all of a sudden was able to read the whole pamphlet, setting it down, he was convinced and was saved that day and never once looked back, now he always had drive and charisma but what he lacked was humility and grace, after reading the pamphlet he went out and started changing everything about his life, started a company called "Revival construction" and started helping the poor people in the town find work. Now what was so compelling about Mass was his personality he was just aglow and loved helping these kids, after I lost everything save a sleeping bag he looked at me and said that's great, I give away everything all the time and it's wonderful. I asked him "what gives you this kind of joy and constant energy?" He said "The Holy Spirit, it's crazy when you actually do God's work the joy you have, many Americans and churches don't live out the great commission of looking after the poor and others in need and they wonder why they are not happy"

   Soon after meeting matt he got me in contact with Jim Wilson, the 90 year old evangelist who saved his soul. This guy was a fossil, he had bad knees and moved around on a walker, yet his intellect was as sharp as a tact. I sat down out on the porch and as I was introduced he asked me how old I was, then a series of questioned me about my life style "How's your mouth?", "my mouth?" I replied, he then opened the bible and turned to an exact page, he knew this bible like the back of his hand and pointed to a verse and mentioned the ways of the world and their behavior. He then asked if my behavior modeled this outline: Drunkeness, slandering, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions.."Not exactly" I replied "I've been around people who model this behavior quite frequently" "No", he pointed a finger at me then gazed at me intently, I felt as though he was peering into my very soul. I stirred uncomfortably in my chair. "I don't mesh with those people, I mean I don't feel connected with them if that's what you mean, I've always felt empty around them like there is something missing and there within that cant satisfy" We went on and talked for awhile. I was riveted the whole time by his life story, there was something very compelling about him, as he got up to leave I asked him "Did you feel a connection? Or was that just me?" He then said "Could be God, He might be working here" Later that day him and Matt talked and they both agreed they weren't sure "yep, could be saved" They both said.

    There was this girl I met around this time who struggled with demonic attacks and poltergeist type of scars were apparent all over her body, we were talkin about demons and angels and the like when she said she just saw a figure move behind me, he was a little boy with black oval eyes, I turned around and of course saw nothing  but my hands soon after became clammy and cold ,which is a sign on paranormal activity. "I always see things before I get attacked, but now I'm fine its quite odd, as soon as she left I heard her scream and came back, to see scratch marks on her arm."It's bizarre" she said, had never seen anything like it, "they don't like your energy" she replied. "Maybe I'm just protected" I said, soon after she looked into my eye and said she saw a white figure standing beside me, I knew she wasn't lying, based on stories she's told me I came to the conclusion she was clairvoyant, and could see that others co to couldn't. This was all just part of God's plan I believe to strengthen my faith.

    Back to my current situation at hand though, soon after meeting Matt at Bucers Cafe I found myself couch surfing at Guy's apartment with what furniture I had all piled up outside the apartment. The entire apartment complex was owned by Matt, he managed a good deal of property and owned pretty much half the town. I got on at Smoky Mountain Pizza as a server soon after and was biking the trail through the Idaho campus to both jobs. I was fired at fireside restaurant in May, the reasons were vague and basically I was told I was not being a 'team player' I did a fine job of working my own tables though, they were cutting labor for the summer when all the students went home and I got the axe, this once again was another 'hammer blow' to my pride. I remember meeting Kevin down at 'my office' bar and grille in one of the most awkward encounters of my life, Kevin was a friend of mine I basically said "Does the fact were here mean I'm fired?" He kind of looked at me and said "Yes, I was hoping to ease into this realization after buying a couple beers but I can't lie" Guy came soon after to meet us and I broke the news, he tried to laugh it off explaining how many jobs he'd lost by simply 'screwin off' and not caring, how his buddy sat 5 years in prison for him, taking the fall for them illegally distributing ecstacy, none of this did much to ease my sentient however and I still recall Kevin grabbing the 3rd of fourth pitcher he bought and refilling my glass as I was sitting there fighting back tears of emotion.   I have been to 'my office' twice, both occasions were not memorable, the  the first was when the Seahawks lost the Super Bowl after throwing an interception on the 1 yard line and we all stumbled home and downed a fifth the second was when I was fired. Looking back on my Fireside experience and being let go I see it as a blessing in disguise, I didn't care that much, I was in back downing coffee and laughing at Guy's jokes, not really taking the job seriously as I should have. Now the whole reason I was even hired was because Guy's friend Matt Becker who I would later meet at Bucers happened to be at Fireside and was talking about Jesus to the bartender who publicly mocked God and him, saying he was an atheist, Matt looked right at him and said "I wouldn't do that if I was you, God isn't mocked" The next day that same bartender who mocked Matt and God himself came in trippin' off some drug and followed one of the waitresses into the bathroom and was promptly fired, I showed up hours later and they hired me. So I can see that it was God opening the door there just so I could meet Guy and subsequently Matt who changed my life. 

    However soon after moving to the apartment I quit attending the bible studies. I was told my Jim and Matt that God was moving toward me and if I ignored that persuasion things could get worse..well they got worse, I was struck by a car on my bike and had a hard fall about a week prior that gave me a swollen eye and scraped up a good part of my face. I was using a borrowed bike to get around town. And soon after the bike chain snapped in half in the middle of an intersection for no apparent reason. I walked back to the Palouse bike shop and asked for my dad's old bike back, I was soon after walking across town in all black work clothes in the sweltering heat just to get to work, my old bike had a bent fork in it and was virtually un-serviceable. Soon after I was playing mario kart and as I was sitting on top of the glass frame of my coffee table, which happened to be the last piece of furniture I owned, and my ass went right through it as I got blue shelled right before the finish line, the events happened simultaneously as if the digital and the physical reality hit me hard.  At the end of the month Guy and me had to be out of the apartment, I knew I couldn't move what items I had left via UHaul because I had no license and no where else to go.I lost everything I had in storage, I put all my bags of clothes outside, pitched chairs in the dumpster, some lady noticed me heaving heavy items of value away and called salvation army, asked if she could have any of it? I said please take it all, here you want a thousand dollar tempurpedic mattress? She then started crying and said I have 4 kids and am getting evicted today, I cant afford anything, that item is worth more than I've ever had in life. The salvation army just came and picked up your stuff, you really helped people today. I smiled and said good, I prayed a few hours before that I could help people, it was amazing how quickly it was received.I had to be out of the apartment today. Soon after I realized I didn't even have a broom to sweep the apartment, I mean I literally had nothing. I was a block from my empty apartment heading for the chevron in search of a broom soon after I heard a honk and saw Matt say "jump in"  sent to one of his houses, "College kids always leave things "there's your broom" he said " "oh apples to apples I better snag this to play with my daughter" upon opening the freezer "huh, otter pops, here take 2" looking at the rooms "huh, tempurpedic, nice mattress, better donate that to the hope center" I just donated a tempurpedic I replied "did you really? Well good for you, you're learning" next thing I knew I was standing outside my apartment with s broom and 2 otter pops stunned at the events that just transpired. I mean this guy owns at least half the town, what is going on. I realized left my phone in his truck however and soon after Guy show's up in his squeaky dilapidated blazer. Soon after we were hauling a dresser out of the apartment Guy was about to heave it off the rails before looking at me and saying lets take this down ourselves, "I just know I'd crush the ol' lady downstairns in a wheelchair right as she rolls out and we'd have a homocide on our hands", I laughed out loud at this, "Oh I can already see it happening, with our luck" 

   Soon after I jumped in the blazer and with eerily screeching brakes headed for the bank, I'm not going to Zions bank, I already owe them a couple million he said, we stopped at the bank only to find the doors had just locked. "Let's hit the drive thru they might be open" "Hell no", he replied, I cant be seen with this rig" I found it interesting how the prior affluent party boy could not lower himself to be seen in this car. But that was just Guy, he had his struggles and life was hard for both of us now. Soon after we found Matt, he looks at me and says "I don't know how we found Matt, but now you can get your phone" Walking up to him, Matt was his usual self, parked outside a house in his F-150 with an open laptop looking up and greeting us with a smile handing me my phone as well. "I just put a deal together for a good sum of money he says" "How much?" Guy replied "About 27 million net cash" "27 million Guy whistled incredulously "I just talked to that same guy in order to finalize that deal and he said GTFO, how did you pull that off?" "Matt just smiled back and "Jesus, that's all" Now Guy was a mormon and considered himself a christian but Matt straight up will tell him he is going to hell if he continues to believe in that. "We need a place to crash" Guy said, motioning to an upper room "You can grab a blanket and crash there, I'm renovating that house" Guy and me walked upstairs to scope it out and I see Guy pacing the sawdust covered floor and mumbling under his breath "no, no, no, this will never do" Upon exiting the house we found Matt still there yelling out his window now "I have a camper if you need it Guy!, on my moms lawn 2 campers actually! I can put both of you up for free" but Guy's pride was far too great he couldn't stay there. We soon after left and Guy seemed to be losing his mind a bit, "27 million" he kept muttering under his breath as if the money captivated his senses entirely, robbing him of all good reasoning skills. ave "Do you have any cocaine?" He asked "Or do you know of anyone who does?" "I can get hook you up with one phone call I replied, "I won't do any lines but if you want some hash", "no, no, he said, let's grab some beer" We went back to a now vacant empty apartment, and Guy was now on the phone trying to work something out, "I'll be right back" he replied, soon after I heard the blazer start up I rummaged around for a blanket and instead found a bath towel and soon after passed out on the floor. I woke up to a girl who looked a little past her prime, strung out and lit, "must have picked her up at the bar" I mused and soon after hit the towel that was my pillow again. I woke up again an hour later and noticed it was getting dark, her and Guy were both gone now, walking into the bathroom I noticed an open bottle of Jim Bean and fought the urge to take a large pull. I hadn't drank a lick of liquor in days, I tossed my hookah stand in the dumpster, I was going thorough purge of my things I figured tI could do without it and my lungs could use a brake, well I was missing it now as I found myself wandering aimlessly through an empty apartment. I decided to shoot Matt an e'mail "Hey you around?" The reply was immediate "Yes come to revival construction building" Now Matt built a patio outside this building, he strung christmas lights across the patio and planted some small vegetation as well as played music at night, it was a very relaxing setting, and at times over this last month, when I was bored I would waunder off to this patio to ease my mind, sometimes Matt would be there, other times Guy, still others I knew from Bible study or workers for Matt I'd see hanging around from time to time, it was kind of like I was getting to know a new family and I liked it. 

   I found Matt outside with his wife and as soon as I got near him I felt at ease, it was the same feeling I got when I looked into the elder Jim Wilson's eyes, a peaceful sense of well being, one I couldn't explain. I sat down and waited for Matt to finish talking to one of his workers to explain how Guy was losing his marbles a bit, to which he just laughed "oh guy? did he go pick up a sleeze whore from the bars, did he turn to his 3 vices: drugs, alcohol, women, to deal with the pain of missing that deal? "Everything you said just transpired" I said. "Guy was in my wedding Matt said, he's a great character has a good heart, a great sense of humor even but he's attached to his idols, he's a stubborn foolish man. He doesn't understand how I can be so emotionally un attatched to the outcome when it comes to money, that 27 million, if I land the deal? I'll give it alll away and the Lord knows that, that's why I have so much joy, I don't care and he doesnt understand that, he's greedy" He asked how much stuff I had total, like a box and a bag, "well let's go get it" he ran an extension cord out, worked the outside shower secured the bed, gave me some snacks and said that's your place for a week have a nice night. Next thing you know I'm now laying in a camper trailor now after Matt put me there I asked him what I owed him for it "Your crazy he said, I invest in souls, see you at bible study tomorrow"

   The next day Guy showed up to bible study and asked me why I always listen to Matt and not him now, "you think Matt's the only one that cares about you, yeah, I get it, swim away from the drowning swimmer, I get it" "It's not like that I replied, everything I've done over the last few months has been for myself, I didn't care about people unless they first cared about me or had something to offer, but here's Matt who gives away almost everything to these poor people who do nothing in return for him and the money always come's back, you see, we talk about religion alot, we can talk about it alot, but dyslexic Matt can barely ad or write is uneducated and yet owns half the town, there is something to him that breeds success, he's humble, he's caring and I wanna be like him." I knew Guy wanted to help me but did'nt know how, he took me to the book store wanted me to buy think and grow rich, and I put it down before leaving, he said "that was only 5 bucks, it could change your life", "I don't want to think and grow rich" I said " I want to think and help others grow rich, I'm trying a different way" "Okay" He just said, right after I tipped the pizza guy 5 bucks for a 15 dollar pizza "trying a different way I get it. 

 TO BE CONTINUED...